the way
i’m approaching two months on the job as sous chef, and while things are going well, i’m engaged in a personal struggle to be the person that i wanted to be my boss when i was coming up. to be blunt, that person wasn’t an asshole, cared about both food and people, and avoided hypocrisy like bullets in the matrix. i’ve been exposed to all kinds of bosses, each with strengths and weaknesses, and i’d be a fool to think that i’m no different, so in order to figure out what i’m okay at and what needs working on, i’ve had to become extremely self aware.
people are watching, always. young, impressionable minds are constantly nearby, sensitive to the way i do things and the way i say things. this has been enlightening, primarily in the way that i now understand why the “asshole” chef exists: it’s easier than being patient. patience with people is different than it is with a braise or other culinary pursuits, because of the dynamic nature of people and their relationships. i’ve been in kitchens that were generally dismissive of an individual’s needs, letting them toil away in mediocrity, and other places where people would be bullied into quitting. i’ve caught myself leaning in that direction, and i need to stay far away from that territory. it’s managerial laziness, and genuinely unfair. a manager’s job is to manage, even in a kitchen, and though i long for the fantasy based version of the job that revolves solely around food and cooking, it just isn’t that way. it’s my job to give my team the tools they need to become better. conversely, it isn’t my job to eliminate weak links by cutting them out of the chain. i’m there to fix them; fixing people is difficult, but not impossible.
i’ve discovered this task to be exhausting, mostly because it requires more time and effort than you think it will when you reach out. small corrections sometimes take weeks to be completed, while larger, more complicated issues, take weeks or months. everyone responds differently to the learning process, too, so comparing cook A to cook B is futile. it’s my job to figure out when we’ve hit a wall. from there, it’s up to me and those above me to figure out the next plan of attack.
i always imagined the job to be all about the food, but i spend most of my time thinking about people and the things they do to the food. if it sounds like a venting session, it isn’t, i’m just surprised by the job and its challenges. i’m genuinely stimulated by my work right now, and it suits my natural inclination to find a better way for everything. it’s nice to be in a position where i can actually try to make it happen, for myself, and the people that i work with.
